Dealing With Real Life Issues

It was 10.a.m PST this past Saturday I woke up, saw my wife of 15 ½ years, Lisa, asleep next to me when I found out the “senseless” murder/suicide of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker , Jovan Belcher. Belcher, 25, shot and killed himself in front of other team and staff members including General Manager Pioli, head coach Romeo Crennel

An hour earlier, Belcher killed his girlfriend, Kasandra Perkins, 22, his infant daughter’s mother.  

Even though the organization including teammates and coaching staff is reeling from the incident, the Chiefs did play the visiting Carolina Panthers Sunday and won 27-21.

The Cleveland Browns organization is also grieving when an assistant groundskeeper hung himself at Browns Stadium Sunday. The Browns, with heavy hearts, defeated host Oakland 20-17 later that afternoon.

Before I go further, I can already anticipate some folks saying I shouldn’t judge or I’m not qualified to write or “blog” about this incident because I’m neither a writer nor an athlete.

First off, I’m a free-lance journalist with 20-plus years under my belt (15 of the 20 years with a publishing company). I come from an athletic family with parents, aunts and uncles competing as track and field sprinters. I have played two years of high school football, all four in track and field and helped my cross country team win two city section championships.  Following high school and college I’ve trained ran and finished numerous long distance races, including several 26.1 mile marathons.

I’ve also dealt with injuries, training and unexpected, like rear-ended whiplash (four times in 15 ½ years).

Try holding a full-time job, buying your own equipment,  run an average of 35-40 miles a week, cross train (weights & bike) for six months before “the race”, run and recover and still tell me I’m not qualified to write nor can’t relate to someone in the collegiate or even pro athletic community.

Both tragedies are something I don’t wish on anybody! I’ve witnessed a suicide and I can tell you from my personal experience it’s something one can’t work out alone. That person is going to need some major help from a “seasoned, mature and proven” licensed family therapist. A “seasoned, mature and proven” priest, rabbi or preacher also helps.

What I have learned with time was I can only control myself. I can talk or help a person until I’m black and blue in the face, but still the other person has to take personal responsibility for their own actions. 

Now that another person in Belcher’s case, like a spouse and/or children, is in the picture then it’s not about, “me, myself and I” anymore. One has to think about what his or her actions is going to produce in the lives of others, both positive and negative.

What ticks me off about this whole incident is that an infant daughter is now going to grow up with neither of her parents.

From what I'm finding out Belcher was a responsible, hard working person which is frustrating me more of what was the "incident" that set this whole tragedy off.

Now again I have already listen to some of the media talking heads and read what the bloggers have to say, especially the ones who say, “We should not judge them harshly.”

Here’s my memo for them: Oh give me a damm break! Tell that when you look into the eyes of the little girl crying for mommy or daddy and don’t get the response she wants.

Yes this is America and we all have the right to exercise our freedom of speech rights, but some of what was said or written is downright crude and stupid.

Yes I don’t know (and really don’t want to know) what took place behind the scenes in the personal lives of Belcher and Perkins, but I’m convinced their life situation (s) couldn’t be “that” serious enough towards taking the murder/suicide road.

My wife, Lisa, and I have been married for going on sixteen years and we’ve had some very good and very bad days.

Have we yelled and screamed at each other until we want to lay hands on each other. Yes and anybody that say they haven’t felt that way towards their spouse or “partner” is lying through their teeth.

Did we get mad to the point one of us (or both) wanted to leave? Hell yea and again if someone is saying no they need to stop lying!

Mrs. Ray and I have survived communication, financial differences including losing a job, career changes, tragic family deaths (my father, Lisa’s aunt) and other things life will throw at you!

But the one thing we committed ourselves to is we would stay married with our creator’s help!

One thing I can brag about Mrs. Ray (Lisa) is she is very resourceful. Lisa knew where we can go get help from a licensed marriage therapist. Life will challenge you in where a marriage will need to know how to grow and adjust.

Your girlfriend, homeboy and other relatives on both sides of the family are not qualified as counselor, including the ones who’s been married multiple times and can’t “keep” a good man or woman.

If anything I’m saying isn’t reaching anybody reading this “rant” please remember some of the following points:

·         When both parties are involved in a heated argument, one needs to stop arguing. The other person will eventually stop also.

·         Take a walk and get some exercise that will reduce stress.

·         As stated earlier, no phone calls, texting, tweeting or face booking to your homeboys, girlfriends, family members. It will make matters worse.

·          Talk to a mature and wise married couple, who will give an honest answer and not take sides

·         Go get counseling from a Priest, Rabbi or Preacher for those coming from a religious background. Balance that with a licensed therapist.

·         If the counseling from priest rabbi preacher is “inadequate” go to an "independent" licensed therapist

·          Keep things in proper perspective. There are other couples that are in worse situations than you.

Young Belcher had the many resources of his employers, a multi-million dollar sports franchise, to get some help in being a pro athlete and a new father without taking his life and someone else.

There are everyday folks like us who have dealt with stuff with either little or no “resources” and is still going strong! Keep going on!

When anyone is dealing with life issues and don’t know the answers get some help. If a person is listening to that voice saying, “I got this,” or “I Know,” that person is in denial and is heading for a fall where her or she may not be able to recover.

GO AND GET SOME HELP FOLKS!